Allison M.

A crossdresser's thoughts on life, fashion, fabulousness, and (oh yeah) dressing up


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Allison’s Word: “Who”

Time to add another post to not one but two of this blog’s recurring categories, the one where I clear some of the many multitude of pages bookmarked to my web browser that I’ve been meaning to share with all of you…

“You mean ‘Allison Empties Out Her Bookmarks’?”

Yes, and the one where I go back and forth with some disembodied voice…

“Hey, that’s me!”

…yes, with you, about a certain word.  This is indeed another edition of “Allison’s Word,” and let’s see here… oh, this is going to be a good topic, I do believe.  Who is the subject of this post. Continue reading

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Rewording how I define myself

While there have been two good things that occurred in my personal life this August (my high school class reunion, my marching in the pride parade), there was one situation that really bummed me out.  Now that I’m slowly putting it behind me, I will start my explanation of said situation by highlighting a change you may have noticed this month:  My Gravatar profile description.  You know, the one listed under my smiling face you see on the right of your compute screen.  (Uh, you are reading this on a computer screen, right?)  Here is how that profile previously read:

blog bio before

Take note of the first three sentences in that description:  “Full-time middle-aged male.  Long-time overworked office drone.  Part-time female fashion plate.”  A witty and rather innocuous way to describe myself… or so I thought.  The thoughts of those three sentences, or at least how a very important gatekeeper interpreted them, prevented me from taking part in the perfect venue to showcase my poetry skills (such as they are).

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Trying to get things perfect

When reading this blog, you may have noticed I’m a budding poetry writer (well, I consider myself budding), and that just a couple of weeks ago, I took the leap of presenting some of my poetry as Allison in front of an intimate live audience.  That night was a real confidence builder not only for presenting my female side but also my writing abilities.

I do, however, consider my current poetry writing abilities as being at a less-than-perfect point.  So far, with one or two exceptions, most of my poetry subjects have been about LGBT themes and trying to meet eye-to-eye with someone who’s not necessarily part of our community, meaning subject outside those realms can be hard for me to interpret into prose.  As well, I’m one who wants to write, rewrite, and re-rewrite poetry (and some other blog posts) over time, doing so until it feels to me to be as perfect as possible.

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About a few words from Marlene Dietrich

For most of this week so far, I’ve been trying to write an epic post inspired by a certain site’s writing prompt.  I’ve had a hard time trying to formulate a response to that post, in part because I’m taking a look at the subject with a far-too-broad scope.  So, to keep my writing spirits up, I’ll fall back on another subject I’ve had percolating.  Take a look at the following quote I came across a while back from the famous actress Marlene Dietrich:

“I am at heart a gentleman.”

Ms. Dietrich was a woman known for defying sexual and gender roles.  I mean, she looked just as glamorous in a top hat and tails as she did in a cocktail dress, not to mention having dalliances with both men and women.  You could consider that quote a summary of Marlene blurring those gender and sexual lines.

Reading her quote, I took it to heart in a somewhat similar way, in that beneath all the wigs, blouses, skirts, dresses, pantyhose, and heels I may wear is a gentleman.  No, I’m don’t mean the “bro” type of gentleman who would drive a truck, down a beer or two (or several), root for the home team at the top of their lungs, and treat women as some sex object.  Au contraire, mes amis (or should I say, Im Gegenteil, meine Freunde to acknowledge Ms. Dietrich’s German background), for I try to emphasize the “gentle” in “gentleman.”

I consider myself the type who treats women of all stripes — young and old; black, white, or other; cis-gender or trans — with respect and dignity.  I feel it comes from the strong women I’ve encountered throughout my life, from those in my family to those in my places of employment. I’d dare say some of it comes from dressing up as a woman, too. While I may sometimes dress in an alluring and eye-catching way, I do it with the intention of presenting my feminine side in a respective way.

So, if you were to come across me somewhere (online, in person, however), know that while I may present myself as female, know that I am, at heart, a true gentleman.


A poem: “Freedoms”

Today is Independence Day here in the United States, the day commemorating the adoption of the Declaration of Independence by thirteen of Great Britain’s North American colonies, who would unite and form what is now the fifty United States of America.

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Writing inspiration

It’s the last day of June as I write this, meaning I won’t be able to respond to every “June Jour Challenge” prompt sent out by one of my WordPress peeps, The Finicky Cynic.  That’s okay, though.  I knew I wouldn’t respond to or even get to think about every prompt before the last of June.  F.C. sent out quite a few “deep thought” prompts this June, meaning I’ll spend some extra time thinking about profound responses.

However, on this last day of June, with F.C. usually using her last “June Jour” prompt to solicit thoughts on her challenges, I don’t want to fail to highlight how inspiring and thought-provoking her prompts are.  I’ve been working on a still-incomplete response about one of those deep topics; I won’t say which one, suffice it to say that it’s brought to the top of my mind one or two pivotal moments in my life that stayed in the far recesses of my mind… so much so that it led me to search for information on the person involved in that moment (no results came up, unfortunately).

One other thing I can’t fail to mention is that at least this year, F.C. didn’t just send out prompts.  Rather, she provided further inspiration for them.  I invite you to take a look at her “June Jour” prompts at this tag page on her site.  And when you do, don’t just click on one link and add a comment or response.  Hit the “previous post” link at the bottom, where this year she offered inspiration on the topics she invited her readers to respond to.  Actually, even beyond June, her posts can provide a writing inspiration to those who can’t think of something to write, but these past 30 days they’ve served as real writing invitations.

So, please give F.C. some love and read her “June Jour” prompts.  And while you’re at it, read the rest of her site as well; it’s awesome and inspiring (and awesomely inspiring) in June, July, or any other month.


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My various definitions of “pride”

Time to get caught up with another of F.C.’s “June Jour” suggestions.  This one asks flat-out, “What does the word ‘pride’ mean to you?”  Hmmm…

As you can guess from the end of that last paragraph, I have to scratch my head sometimes to come up of a time when I’ve experienced a sense of pride (what F.C. also asks in that prompt).  Perhaps the times when I’ve felt the most proud of myself have been when I made a significant accomplishment.  Graduating from high school so many years ago is the most obvious moment of pride in my life… although that was tempered a bit by the future that would await me.  Oh, I knew what my post-high school plans were; it’s just that I was scared to death of it (the less I have to think about what awaited me, the better).  Then there’s the times when I worked toward gainful employment, especially the moment when I was offered the job that led me to moving to Madison, this after several months being jobless.

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A letter to my state legislators

I made passing mention in my last blog post about this, but it’s time to finally give it the spotlight here:  Last Thursday morning (June 1), three members of the Wisconsin State Legislature introduced to assembled media and the public a new piece of legislation currently seeking co-sponsorship from fellow legislators.  The proposal, as with any piece of legislation (federal, state, or otherwise), has a grand name:  The Privacy Protection and Gender Identity Anti-Discrimination Act.  And a press release announcing the proposal succinctly sums up the bill’s importance:

“A bill that would add protections to Wisconsin statutes against discrimination based on a person’s gender identity or gender expression.”

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Graduation thoughts

5-16-2017 542-46pmWhile I was waiting for new lenses to be installed on my eyeglasses, I walked around West Towne Mall (yes, I can still make things out without glasses) and browsed through a couple of stores such as Windsor, where I spotted and photographed the display you see to your right.  As you can see, the mannequins are decked out in some awesome looking dresses, and in a respectable neutral color for late spring/early summer (off white).  Look, too, at their feet; those are some pretty gnarly heels they have going there.

As you can also tell, there is also some serious gown action going on.  You know, the kind of gown that goes well with a mortar board on the head.  Yep, it’s the second half of May, which means graduation time.  By now, your nearest high school or college will have had or are about to have their annual graduation ceremonies.  Here in Madison, the University of Wisconsin already had their ceremony a couple of weeks ago.  And this weekend, my oldest niece will walk down the gymnasium aisle, take her diploma, turn her tassel, and enter the post-high school world.

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A poem: “I See You”

Today (March 31) is the International Transgender Day of Visibility, which is a day meant to celebrate those who identify as transgender and to help raise awareness of discrimination faced by trans people everywhere.  (It should not be conflated with the Transgender Day of Remembrance, which occurs in November and is more solemn.)

I won’t get too much into the ins and outs of TDoV in this post, though I do recommend you learn more about the day (here is a good starting point).  What I do want to do is dedicate a few lines of prose (and passing references of David Bowie and J. Geils Band) to this day and to trans people of all stripes, especially those who, by circumstance or choice, may not live out and proud.  While this prose may not be perfect, know that the words are meant to communicate my appreciation for you, whichever part of the spectrum you identify under.

“I See You”

I see you over there
Sitting all alone and scared
You’re not sure if you’re a boy or a girl
And it’s got your mother in a whirl

The world wants to put you down
And make you frown
They’re misguided for insisting that you’re one thing
When you know you’re not what they’re saying

They want you to wear one set of clothes
But it’s a set in which you’ll never grow
Because of that, they think you’re an abomination
But, really, you’re an amazing creation

I know, they want to put you down
To keep you from wiping off your frown
You know you’re one thing
When everyone says you’re another
But to me, you’re more than a sister or a brother

No, really, you’re beautiful
Just the way you are
So don’t be afraid
Shine your own kind of light
Fight their darkness with your personality bright

Oh, I’m sorry
You don’t want to come out?
You do want to be the person you are
But you don’t want to scream or shout?

It’s okay, I understand
I have my own four-walled Neverland
Where I can feel free
And be who I know I be
Which is whatever gender I can be

But you want to be quiet about it
And, really, that’s okay
For it’s good, even better
To be more than whatever gender

But I do wish you can be free
You deserve to be who you know you be
Free from prying eyes
Free from disdaining eyes

Wait…  Please, wait…
Yes, I see you
And I do accept you
For you being you

No, it doesn’t matter to me
What gender you may be
Male or female
Maybe both, maybe neither

Know, though, that I admire you
And I will stand by you and with you
And help protect you
And help keep the wolves at bay
No matter what the world may say
I’ll have your back until my last day

So go and be the real you
Do what you feel you can do
Whether you’re trans or non-binary
Or third gender or even spirit two

Fully displayed or in the closet
Know that you’re living honest

But if you’re not out now, don’t worry
For if the time comes when
You show the world who you are
There will be those who will call you friend

There will be those just like you
Or supportive and accepting of you
Who will have your back if you fall
And help you stand up and stand tall

I will be there with you
For today, I see you
And I love and respect you
Because no matter who you are
And no matter what others believe what you are
You are living your life… amazingly
Just by being… you