Allison M.

A crossdresser's thoughts on life, fashion, fabulousness, and (oh yeah) dressing up

Uncertainty

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You ever have one of those days when things are going great, or at least okay?  When you think nothing will get you down?  Well, today was one of those days for me until… I got an e-mail late this afternoon from our department manager at work.  I won’t bog you down too much on details, especially since I want to try to protect my anonymity on this (I never know who’ll be reading this), but let’s just say the duties of three teams under our manager’s watch (I’m on one of them) may be consolidated into one big team, or as close to one big team as possible.  “One big team”?  Wowzer.

All this talk of reorganization and “improving tasks coverage” and “turnaround time” and “share ideas” and (*sigh*) “efficiencies” can sure make this employee nervous.  Heck, any hint of change at work, real or unfounded, can put a lump in my throat.  Two and a half years ago, when I was close to seeing my position eliminated, I barely got any sleep the night I heard of the department’s plans.  (My position didn’t get eliminated, but it didn’t make me any happier.)  And three years ago, when I was told I was being reassigned to a new supervisor, I bawled my eyes out after hearing the news, not because I was moving from the watch of a supervisor I had greatly admired, but because it felt as if I had dodged a bullet, albeit one that never really left its chamber.

By now, all of that should have left me mentally prepared for the possibility of seeking new horizons.  And I have at least made attempts to consider new horizons in the past, as I mentioned earlier this year (see here and here).  But there’s a sense of security you get in being at a place of employment for as long as I have (14 years) that leads to fear if you’re at risk of being shown the door for whatever reason.

Just as I have tried to do in previous uncertain work situations such as this, I will do my very best to remain optimistic.  At least our manager gave us the high sign that this would happen; changes as big as this can come as a surprises in some businesses.  Also, he included reassuring words in his communique (i.e. no immediate changes), and noted that this “unifying” of teams and duties might take a while (the first day of 2017 is his deadline).  And I’m hopeful that perhaps this could lead to bigger and brighter things in our department for my talents, because what one thinks is a dark corner may actually be a turning point towards a welcoming light.

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Author: Allison M.

A part of the trans community ("cross-dresser" is the term that applies to me) who finds themselves much more expressive and somewhat more confident when presenting in a feminine persona. An admirer and supporter of those who are fashionable, fabulous, and friendly (LGBT or otherwise). Someone who tries to be witty and unique, but is not even remotely perverted or a pariah (I am a real human being, just like you). Using various writing styles on this blog to communicate thoughts and feelings concerning my life experiences, fashion sense, and the world at large (and maybe impressing my high school creative writing teacher who deservedly gave me middling grades).

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