Allison M.

Thoughts on life, fashion, fabulousness, and (oh yeah) dressing up from a full-time male who's a part-time female

My eyes! My eyes!

5 Comments

This is a rather busy weekend for yours truly.  This morning, I’m want to squeeze in another run around my neighborhood, provided I finish this quick post.  There’s another 5K run coming soon that I want to participate in, provided a (positive) family matter doesn’t throw a monkey wrench in my schedule.  This afternoon, there’s a singles event that Male Mode Me thought would be a good idea to participate in.  Problem is, Male Mode Me is rather shy and quite klutzy when it comes with holding a conversation with a prospective mate or acquaintance.  (This adventure may merit a future post, however positive or, likely, negative it could be.)

Yesterday, I finally got the gumption to mosey on over to Best Buy and purchase a new printer/scanner.  A year ago, my old printer gave up the ghost, and luckily for me, I didn’t have the need to print or scan anything — until now.  Let’s just say there’s something I really want to not print out on any of the printers at my place of employment.  And want I want to scan into my computer makes the scanners at work not convenient to use.

And yesterday morning, the most important part of my weekend occurred:  I went down to the optometrist — you know, the one at the mall located inside the eyeglass place — and went through my annual eye exam.  If you noticed a few of my pictures (including here) and that video I posted last New Years Eve, I wear eyeglasses when I’m not in female mode.  I do not have the most perfect eyesight in the world, and I’ve had to wear eyeglasses since I was 8 years old.  And with a family history of glaucoma and cataracts (my maternal grandmother suffered from both), I understand how important it is to make sure my eyes are as healthy as they can be.But I’m one who has never considered going to the optometrist a fun thing to do.  I was the type who only thought about getting my eyes checked out when a noticeable change in my eyesight was occurring.  And the thought of having bright light flashed into my eyes (so that the doctor can see inside them) or receiving a puff of air pushed into my open eyes (a simple test for eye pressure) freaks me out.  Eleven years ago, I went through one of those tests they recommended where they dilate my eyes, stick my head into this big bowl-shaped machine, and respond to brief flashes of light.  And I didn’t pass it, meaning I had to return in 3 months to undergo that same test to verify that the first time around was a fluke.  And that first time around was indeed a fluke — but they still put this big probe on my eyeballs just to make sure.  (Yikes!  That hurt!  Even with the anesthetic.  It was certainly not a pleasant experience.)

But that was 2005 and this is 2016, and technology has improved so that I don’t have to freak out… well, not have to freak out very much when they do freaky things to my eyes for the sake of making sure they’re healthy.  So yesterday, i went through the normal screening tests:  Putting on 3D glasses to check depth perception.  Receiving that puff of air to check for eye pressure.  Hitting a Jeopardy!-like button whenever I saw wavy lines in my peripheral vision.  And staring into another machine, one eye at a time, so that a big panoramic photo of my eyeballs could be taken.

Of course, I also went through the traditional checkup from the optometrist.  You know, the exam where you stare through a big machine with the tiny lenses and levers and dials and look at an eye chart while the optometrist asks you, “Which one is the sharpest?  Number one?  Or number two?”  I will say this about the optometrist that examined me:  She was quite reassuring, even when she saw the aforementioned inside-of-my-eyeballs photos, saw something she saw peculiar, and told me, “I do recommend another test to make sure everything is okay.  I’m sure this small dark ring around the back of your retina is nothing to worry about, but still…”

And with that, I took the optometrist’s advice and sat at another machine.  This was another check-the-inside-of-the-eyeballs type of machine, one that took a much detailed (even three-dimensional) measurement of the retina and such.  The OD assistant, who was just as reassuring as the optometrist — and who had the most awesome eyeliner and eyeshadow (I should’ve asked her for makeup tips) — had me stare at this target while “a little light show” drew a map and took measurements of my retina and such.

That base line test went rather smoothly.  What was even more reassuring was when the optometrist took me aside, reviewed the test’s findings, and told me, “Don’t worry, it’s all good news.”  She told me virtually all of the readings were positive (“Green means good”).  The lone exception was rather minor, in that it was a small sliver of the retina on the nasal side (i.e. closer to the nose than the ear) that was not as thick as it should be.  But it’s possible that it’s just a normal thing for a 46-year-old male and it may not be glaucomic in nature.  At least, she told me, she has a baseline to rely on for the next time my eyes get checked a year from now (I’ve already booked the appointment).

I breathed a sigh of relief after the appointment was finished, so much so that I celebrated with an ice cream cone at the mall food court.  Yeah, I was sure the weird reading wasn’t anything to worry about; it’s just that I tend to freak out until someone with knowledge and authority tells me everything is going to be all right.  Oh, you’re wondering if I needed new glasses?  Well, there was just a little change in my eyesight but it’s nothing too major.  So, I’m putting off getting new glasses for a little bit.  However, they kept asking if I wear sunglasses while outdoors, which I admit I do not on a regular basis (I usually rely on a hat to keep the sun out of my eyes).  They did recommend that I explore sunglasses, or at least flip-top shades I can by at the drug store.  They also gave me a coupon on new prescription sunglasses for if I ever do break down and get shades (at least until the coupon expires at the end of 2016).

If you’re like me and get all nervous about optometrists and their assistants doing freaky things to your eyes, know that it’s all for the best.  Know, too that it’s important:  They’re making sure your eyes are healthy, and that you’re not on the verge of losing your most precious sense, that of being able to see the world around you and marveling at the images your eyes can see.

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Author: Allison M.

Full-time middle-aged male. Long-time overworked office drone. Part-time female fashion plate. Amateur fashionista (emphasis on "amateur"). Admirer and supporter of those who are fashionable, fabulous, and friendly. A little bit silly. Absolutely nowhere near perverted. I am a real human being, just like you. Able to share thoughts about my life experiences, fashion sense, and the world at large despite middling grades in high school creative writing class (but at least I do look cute when I'm writing, so that has to count for something).

5 thoughts on “My eyes! My eyes!

  1. Very true, Allison. I don’t mind eye exams as much now as an adult, but as a kid I dreaded the test in which I had to stare at a green light inside of a machine, and a puff of air would blow into my eye, to test my reflex. I hate surprises! 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Pleased the results were largely clear. And what a giveaway the comments about noticing the technician’s eye makeup. Isn’t it common to be attracted to a woman’s makeup or clothing and think how good you would look and feel being like her?
    But going for your next appointment in drab but with exquisite eye makeup would certainly be a very out there way of outing yourself.
    Must say the idea is bold but I would not be game.
    Geraldine.

    Liked by 1 person

    • LOL. Alas, I went to the optometrist appointment as Male Mode Me, I must admit. Had I gone as Allison, I probably wouldn’t have worn eye makeup; they were looking inside my eyes, not at them.

      Like

  3. Pingback: Allison’s “act your age” fashion summary (5/31/2016 edition) | Allison M.

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